Thinking about my mom

I got my green wig out to wear for St. Patrick's Day on Thursday and I realized that the last time I wore it I was having lunch with my co-workers on one of the very few days I didn't go home to see my mom and got "The Call".  Donna, my comadre, and my mom's care-giver called to tell me that the urgent care they were going to for my mom's "bad cold" was closed so she took my mom to the E.R. next door and they were keeping her to run tests.  I went back to work and let them know I was leaving for the rest of the day. At least I made the E.R. techs, nurses and doctor's laugh with my green hair.

Mom in her new room.

Over the last year, my mom has been in and out of the hospital 4 times with pneumonia.  After the first bout, she was in rehab for about a week and a half and then came home.  That lasted for 3 days.  We made a trip back to the ER and she had pneumonia in the other lung.  She really hasn't been home for more than a few hours at a time since then.

Mom and Randy at the Luau last August

It kept looking good and they would get her up and walking.  She was fully ambulatory the first time she went in.  After the last bout, she has just never re-gained her strength enough to really walk again and is now mostly confined to a wheelchair.  It's amazing how fast that happened.

I can't believe she I got this pic b/4 she got her hand up to block me!

It's hard on the bad days when I have to keep repeating things over and over.  Especially on my birthday when I had to tell her again and again that it was my birthday and that she had already wished it for me more than once.  But the look of horror on her face when she realized she hadn't gotten me anything over and over, is just heartbreaking.  Especially since I just wanted my mom to be there and it really wasn't her that day.

Mom on her patio.  Enjoying the sun on her face.

On the brighter side.  She is usually happy.  She is still quick-witted.  Maybe even more so now than before. She is quick with a joke and makes little joking remarks behind people's backs.  Usually at the expense of her "evil" roommate or one of the nurses.  She has the best time with Randy.  They just really enjoy each other's company.  It's funny she remembers a lot of the things he tells her for days after-wards.  It's really kind of sweet to see how much they care for each other. 

She wasn't the world's greatest mom.  She was pretty clueless, with her head in the sand about some really important issues.  The facts that her various daughters were starving in front of her eyes, boosting cars, selling and smoking drugs.  But, she really did do what she thought was best for us.  Even if it was misguided I never doubted her motives.  My mother loved me.  More than she loved herself (that part wasn't hard, she was very much down on herself).  My mother would always love me.  I still see that love in her eyes every day when I visit her at her rehab hospital.

I doubt I will every truly get my mom back, not my real mom.  I don't think she even wants to come home now.  Even though I've got her room waiting for her.  She has really found something at the place she lives now.  A community.  Friends, caregivers, activities, visitors.  People really like her.  She is actually blossoming with the people she interacts with there.  She is liked by staff and residence alike.

No, I wont ever get my mom back.  But she is really enjoying herself now.

Mom with Jr and Karina.  My honorary Grand-kids.

When I saw her today, she had gone to the hairdresser.  Usually my friend, Mirtha does her hair and nails, but she is out of town in Argentina for her god-daughter's quincenera.  But I thought maybe Mom should try this lady since it is more convenient.  She did an o.k. job, but really not as good as I'd hoped.  My mom liked it and even let me take a video of her to show off her hair.  But she told me how unbelievably slow the woman was and never wants to sit still that long again. LOL

Here's the video link:

So, this Thursday, a year later.  I will put on my wig, go to work and on my lunch I will go and see my mom in her new place, Alamitos Belmont.  I will joke with the staff, entertain her friends, let everyone laugh at my hair and drop my mom off at Bingo with a quick kiss and a promise to see her tomorrow.